So I’m driving down the road today behind a fairly large panel truck with no windows. I can’t see around it. I can’t see through it and I can’t see over it. I certainly can’t see under it. I can’t see the road stretching out before me. I just have to follow it blindly.

Used to be I had to be in front of the pack because, I thought, it was about being unfettered and free, in front, not having to follow the crowd. But now, after my trip to work behind that dang panel truck, I finally get it – why being stuck behind large, opaque objects (panel trucks) is painful to me. That reason happens to be personality type related.

I realized, as I navigated all antsy-like, that I’m all about envisioning possibilities, making snap detours, scanning the horizon for … whatever’s out there. I like the stimulation of seeing things. And when I can’t see things – can’t see where I’m going or what lies ahead or what curiously interesting sights are off to the left or right of me – I feel as though I’m operating blindly, with just hard data but no visuals. It’s uncomfortable and constricting. It’s probably why I really don’t care much for GPS but still love figuring out a paper map.

I’m grateful for such insights, even if they come while I’m driving blindly in traffic. Once I realize the “why” behind my unease, it normalizes. I may still get antsy, but at least I know why.